By Amanda Stephens

Anxiety.
Fear.
Guilt.
Shame.

Your mask might have a different name, but their functions are all the same.
We hide behind different insecurities, but for me it’s one that looks like purity.

In the same way some girls wear the mask of promiscuity to get attention, “good girls” rely and are defined by their good reputation.
But what we all want is just love and affection.

Everyone makes me feel like I should be a “good girl” forever.
On the outside, it may seem like I have it all together, but deep down I can’t handle the pressure.
I seem to confuse my identity, when being good all the time becomes my reality.

I always try to be the perfect little Christian, thinking my good works will be sufficient.
I fear failure and rejection, wanting to make sure my life is up to your and God’s expectations.
Just as others are enslaved to addictions, I confuse performing well in everything as an act of submission.
I perform because I’ve never known anything else. I expect too much of myself because I think it’s what you and God demand as well.

Good girls don’t ask for much but instead are the ones who are usually needed for such and such.
It’s quite exhausting to be the good girl you think you always have to be. But let me tell you, living safe instead of free is way harder than it seems.

But here is the good news I have finally received: I don’t actually have to be.
I have been a Christian for years, but somehow I couldn’t escape the constant tears.

Trying to please God means all trust is gone. But when I trust God, pleasing Him is no longer only a facade.
He has given grace for everyone, even for good girls who need it just as much as the rest of us.

Grace doesn’t mean following all the rules, because thinking that’s even possible makes me a fool.
Jesus loves me not for my behavior, but instead He does despite of my failures.
Satan has his foothold on us in different ways, but in the end, sin is all the same.

Jesus wants me and my heart, which requires me to be vulnerable, but that has honestly been the best part.
He wants me so badly that He gave His life for me, and that is the truth that has ultimately set me free.

Now, the masks will never disappear completely as long as we live in a fallen world temporarily.
But now that I have tasted freedom, those masks won’t even last for an entire season.
I know the truth about my rescue, so now all I can do is give my heart and my life in order to say, “Thank you.”

This poem was inspired by the book Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life by Emily Freeman. If you struggle with understanding God’s unconditional love for you and want to live in freedom despite your imperfections, we recommend this read and know it will bless you immensely.