Before You Get Married

By Nikki Dabney

Before you get married, ask yourself if you are married to Christ well.

This is a question I have been challenging myself with a lot lately.

  • Do I pursue oneness with Christ?
  • Do I pursue intimacy with Christ?
  • Do I praise Him often?
  • Am I faithful to Christ?
  • Do I spend quality time with Him?
  • Do I pursue Him?
  • Do I put Him before myself?

If I can’t do this with a perfect Man who loves me perfectly, what makes me think I will be any more content with myself or my life by having an earthly husband?

We know that Jesus chose to compare His relationship with us to a marriage.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” –Ephesians 5:25-27

It doesn’t say, “Husband, love your wife, so she feels beautiful all the time, she’s never lonely, all her insecurities go away, and you can have Instagram-worthy date nights.”

This verse says marriage is about two things: sacrifice and sanctification.

THAT is why Jesus chose the analogy of marriage. I don’t hear many women say, “I can’t wait to be married and sacrifice myself! I can’t wait for the Lord to reveal my sin through my marriage so that I can go through the humbling process of becoming more Christ-like!”

Obviously, I wrote that in a sarcastic way, but that is what you should be looking forward to because that is the true beauty of marriage. Honestly, I’m excited to serve my husband. I’m excited to be inspired and challenged by him, so that together we can show others the glory of God.

Single women aren’t just supposed to focus on their marriage with Christ until they walk down the aisle into the “real thing.” Earthly marriage is only a shadow of the fullness of marriage with the King.

Let me set you free real quickly:

Don’t shame yourself for desiring a husband. It’s okay. You’re desiring a good thing. Just don’t be obsessive or manipulative. And check in on your heart. Ask yourself why that desire is coming up and weigh it with the truth of Scripture. Is it a selfish reason or a biblical reason?

This idea that we can trick God into thinking we’re satisfied with our singleness just so that He’ll bring a man into our lives is rooted in falsehood. We think if we love God, He’ll give us what we really want, but He is what our hearts long for! He is everything good. He is whom we adore!

Did you know that there is no marriage in Heaven? (Matthew 22:30)

Why? Because He is the prize! Nothing else is needed to supplement His perfection and our unending joy found in Him.

Let me tell you right now: no one will ever pursue you more fiercely than Jesus. He is freaking relentless in His pursuit of every bit of your heart.

So go ahead and dance around in a white dress, because you, my friend, are the Bride.

“For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name.” –Isaiah 54:5


“For I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ. But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ.” -2 Corinthians 11:2-3


“When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord God, and you became mine.” –Ezekiel 16:8


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